Awesomely bad jokes (PG15-Language)

[Mike]

Picked this thread idea up from another forum, but it's a good one and has given me some laughs. Post any jokes you have that are so bad that they are funny...


So a jumper cable walks into a bar, the bartender says "i'll serve you... just don't start anything"

[Mike]

what did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

-Dam

[Mike]

Two antennas got married, the wedding was crap but the reception was excellent

[Mike]

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

[Mike]

Two muffins are in an oven, one looks over at the other and says "It's mighty hot in here"

The other muffin turns to him and says "Holy shit, a talking muffin"

[RiCkT]

ummm....yeah.
the chicken one was cool thoo

- Rick.

[Mike]

A woman stops by the market to purchase milk, eggs and bacon.
A drunk standing behind her in line says, "You must be single."
"You're right," says the woman. "You can tell that from my purchases?"
"No," says the drunk. "Because you're ugly."


:eek3:

[CrownVic316]

Ouch.
I like the muffin one, but methinks I've heard the fish one before. Still, nice idea

[Zpectre]

Fresh one (just heard it :p):

Two girls, a blonde and a brunette, are walking. The brunette then says "look, a dead bird!" and the blonde starts looking up yelling "WHERE? WHERE?".

[Car Freak]

The chicken coop one was the best!

What kind of pen can fly?

neP toliP (answer is spelt backwards)

[ToyotaWish]

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!

[ToyotaWish]

John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. John said he'd go ask his manager what to do.

John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter." As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet. Which place are you from?"

John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.

John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."

"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.

John replied, "Oh. Which team did she play for?" :D:D

[ToyotaWish]

Kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

The first little boy called upon, walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk,made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
He said a period.

She said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know," said the little boy, "but this morning
my sister was missing one, Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

[ToyotaWish]

Two priests were on the way to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the shower b4 they realize that there is no soap. Father John says that he has soap in his room and goes to get it not bothering to dress. He grabs 2 bars of soap, one in each hand and heads back to the showers. He's halfway down the hall when he sees 3 nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.


The 3 nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The 1st nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap......Oh look, says the 1st nun.....It's a soap dispenser.

To test her theory, the 2nd nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough....he drops the 2nd bar of soap

Now, the 3rd nun decides to have a go. She pull once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.So, she gives several more tugs and then yells!
'HOLY MARY...MOTHER OF GOD' ......." Hand lotion too!"


Sorry, a little porno... :D:D

[ToyotaWish]

In a train compartment, there are three men and one ravishing young girl. The four passangers join in a conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10, I'll show you my thighs." Men being what they are, they all pull out a ten-dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

Naturally, all three fork over the money, and then the girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, "There!"