Awesomely bad jokes (PG15-Language)

[ToyotaWish]

A young woman was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, didn't want her grandmother to know. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young woman.

The police had the all the prostitutes lined up in a straight line on the sidewalk, just as grandma was passing by. As soon as she noticed her granddaughter, she stopped and asked her what she was lining up for.

Not wanting her grandmother to know the truth, the granddaughter told grandma that someone was passing out free oranges and she was lining up for some.

'That sounds good. I think I'll have some too,' Grandma said, as she made her way to the back of the line.

A policeman went down the line, questioning all the prostitutes, until he reached grandma. Looking very bewildered, he said to her, 'You're so old, how do you do it?'

'It's easy,' replied Grandma. 'I just remove my dentures and suck them dry!'

-----

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how r u'.
Then Mr. Clinton should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.'

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Clinton , he mistakenly said
'Who r u?' (instead of 'How r u?'. )

Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
'Well, I'm Hillary's husband, ha-ha...'

Then Mori replied
'me too, ha-ha.. .'.


Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

-----

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag.

He sits down and places the bag on the counter.

The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.



The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man,

about one foot high and sets him on the counter.

He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano,

setting it on the counter as well.

He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench,

which he places in front of the piano.

The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!

'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag

This time he pulls out a magic lamp.

He hands it to the bartender and says:'Here. Rub it.'

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.



'I will grant you one wish. Just one wish. Each person is only allowed one!'

The bartender gets real excited.

Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million bucks!'

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar.

It is soon followed by another duck, then another.

Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says,

'Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf.

I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.'

'Tell me about it!' says the man.

'Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?'

-----

[ToyotaWish]

In a city park stood two statues, one female, and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life.
The two statues smiled at each other, ran towards some nearby woods, and dived behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues,"You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure, - But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll sh!t on its head!"

[ToyotaWish]

A woman spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly, "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

[ROCKPORT POLICE GUY]

keep 'em comin' TW!

[Roadstar]

Andy  : This painting is accurately 500 yrs & 20 days old.
Roger : Amazing. How can you say so precisely?
Andy  : 20 days back, I had came here & was told that its 500 years old.

[bucksavage]

A fan at a football game looks down the stadium stairs, and spots an open seat by the 50 yeard line.  He approaches the man sittling next to it ans asks if the seat is taken.  
"No, " the man says, "I used to bring my wife to all the games, but she passed away; since then, I've gone alone.  "  

"Why not invite a friend?  "

"I can't.  They're all at the funeral.  "

[WiLL]

Hehaa.. (what an Idea Naw)  

[ToyotaWish]

A fan at a football game looks down the stadium stairs, and spots an open seat by the 50 yeard line.  He approaches the man sittling next to it ans asks if the seat is taken.  
"No, " the man says, "I used to bring my wife to all the games, but she passed away; since then, I've gone alone.  "  

"Why not invite a friend?  "

"I can't.  They're all at the funeral.  "

LOL

[ROCKPORT POLICE GUY]

knock knock
whos there?
me. i kill you!

[bucksavage]

What do you get when you cross a polar bear and a seal?  







A polar bear.

[Roadstar]

Man to sexy air hostess - Whats your name baby?
Air Hostess - My name is Benz sir.
Man - Lovely name. Any relation with Mercedez Benz?
Air Hostess - Yes sir. Same price.

[WiLL]

yeah women want that $$  :p
I be Single clap,clap.

[ROCKPORT POLICE GUY]

A man walks into a bar
ouch

[bucksavage]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?  

I'll tell you tomorrow.

[WiLL]

Heha, ah Bummer im not a Complete
Idiot tho,. :/